Looks like things are falling back into place once again (see, I promised all my posts weren’t going to be emo). I’m back at the gym, I’m starting to go back to working at the library when I am done at my actual job and trying to socialize more. My only issue at the moment is my job.
There is nothing worse than a bully that works in management. And for God knows why, she is still there. I’ve called HR, I have sat down with my old boss before she retired. If I didn’t enjoy the luxuries of actually having some cash in my wallet, I would just walk out. Yes, I do plan on looking for work elsewhere and trying to muster up the strength to continue on with higher education. There is a feeling of being defeated and a feeling of being set up for failure. About a month ago or so, our hours got cut down to 3 a day but our workload remained the same. I am also used on the salesfloor for stock checks, customer service and some managerial duties (key turns, help with the registers, etc). If you are wondering what I am, I am a book keeper. I went for this position for more money and more hours and to have a better opportunity. Instead, I am the bitch-slave to upper management in the store.
It’s funny, because when I see other places hiring I don’t see it as an available opportunity. I always see it as “how shitty was that place before the person got fired or quit?” but there is small hope to me finding something that won’t make me feel like shit at the end of the day. This is where I am also hoping higher education will help.
So me and J seem to be on the right track. Us working on things won’t be easy. I will and still do have trust issues and will have my guard up for a very long time but I love him. It’s funny how someone could hurt you so bad but you don’t want anyone else but that person. I’ve tried talking with some male friends more but even being “just friends” grossed me out (because some of them are hopeful). But I guess that is one of the mysteries of the heart. He has been doing his part the past couple days and I cannot fault him for trying. I am terrified of my heart for what it wants.