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The red flood gates burst open around 5 this morning. I know, gross but what is cruel is feeling like your uterus is being stabbed with Satan’s claws. I am seriously considering getting my tubes tied because I am over it and because of my SB. I have a high risk of conceiving a child with the same birth defect plus I have a million other things wrong with me.

I was in so much pain, that I didn’t even go to the library today to do my time. I felt like an asshole but in all fairness, I am a volunteer. Plus, I showed up yesterday. I do love it once I am over the motions of dragging myself there. I love the staff, discovering new material on the shelves when I am in the middle of a task, the smell of the library, the AC, and because of my actual job they always assign me crafts. It is nice to feel appreciated.

But while I am battling the red tidal waves and guilt, I am noticing my fat is sneaking back on my hips, tummy and butt. I did weigh myself and the gain is only a few pounds but pretty soon it is back to MyFitnessPal and omitting bread items. Boo.

  • Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness

  • Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters

  • Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports

  • Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much

  • Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort

  • Changes in appetite — often reduced appetite and weight loss, but increased cravings for food and weight gain in some people

  • Anxiety, agitation or restlessness

  • Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements

  • Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or blaming yourself for things that aren’t your responsibility

  • Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things

  • Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide

  • Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches

Source: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/basics/symptoms/con-20032977

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