There is nothing more exciting than having the weekend off, especially when you work retail. Other than it feeling like a breath of fresh air, I am excited about sleeping in and not being someone’s bitch-slave.
So I am entering the red zone soon. I am binge eating, emotional, horny and cranky. And because I am pmsing and emotional, I foresee this being a roadblock between J and I. All I keep seeing in my head is when I saw him plastered all over those websites. Even better, I forced myself to look at the screenshot of it. I suppose the break was supposed to help me heal and get over it but he was upset and assumed it meant we were breaking up indefinitely.
Yesterday I was too exhausted to write hence the short post. I traveled a long way by bus to the psych building and sat with a psych nurse who took her time to ask me questions and log my history. She spoke very softly despite my mentioning of me being hard of hearing and my eyes wandered to the doodles pinned on her wall, gifts from younger children.
Questions had ranged from “are you feeling homicidal?” to “how would you describe the relationship with your father?”. There is a certain type of honesty that is refreshing sitting in the psychiatric unit at almost 30 than when I was a child. More freedom, so to speak.
To touch more on yesterday’s post, I have Spina Bifida and like I mentioned I am hard of hearing. Growing up, I was bullied to the point where I wish I were dead. It went beyond name calling and being physically pushed around. It came with students scheming on how to (successfully I might add) get me suspended or forced to sit alone during recess. I lost friends and never got to experience childhood love. It didn’t get better until I was in my teens and even then, it went from being in the 7th level of Hell to maybe the 4th or 3rd; still sucked ass but I was finding myself. Anyway to get to the point, I was always someone else’s punching bag. If not at school, it happened at home.